from normal lungs to very sick lungs

2020 has started in a way I never would have believed. I thought I was an active, healthy person until that was taken away from me. Don't take life for granted because sometimes it can throw you these curveballs you're not ready for at all. 

26.2.2020

Why is this chest pain not going away. I biked 5 minutes to school today and had to catch my breath for a good while outside before entering university. Rip my class is on floor 5 today... "I can do it, it's only 4 floors up". Arriving on floor five, I have to sit down; my heart is pounding and I feel like I can't breathe. What is wrong with me. I visited the doctor for the first time 5.2 and she told me I probably just have muscle aches from sport.... 18.2 I went to a private clinic as I felt like my symptoms weren't getting any better; she told me I probably have a minor infection as my CRP was a little elevated, but apparently nothing a week of rest shouldn't fix.                                                                                                       I go to the public health clinic to ask them for advice. I tell them my chest is hurting a lot more now and I feel like I'm short of breath constantly; I can't do my daily activities (biking to school, walking up the stairs, vacuuming, standing in the shower) anymore. They tell me "Our clinic is closing in 30 minutes, we don't have any doctor here for you to talk to and tomorrow we have a doctor training day, so our doctors are not present tomorrow. If your symptoms are really bad, we advise you to go to the hospital ER to get checked". 

Today I feel like my symptoms are getting worse and worse. I still have to stay up for all night a we have an off-campus learning opportunity that lasts for the whole night. Well, if I was told I have chest aches and a small infection, I guess I can pull this off. 

27.2.2020

I have stayed up all night. God, I am so tired. But I still have a 3-hour lab to go to. I have promised my boyfriend that when I get home I'll leave to the hospital like the clinic advised me yesterday.  It's 11:30am when I get home. I need to take a nap, I'm way too tired to leave right away. I sleep for an hour and I take the bus to the hospital. I take a queueing number in the ER and I get called to see a nurse pretty quickly. I explained to her my symptoms and that I think something is wrong with me because I'm an athlete and this is not how my body works. That I wasn't able to do anything anymore. She looked a me like I was stupid and said: "Your symptoms are not bad enough to be treated at the hospital, if you've been told you have an infection, there's nothing more we can help you with" and she basically sent me away. 

I was devastated. I felt like I was going crazy and that no one believed me. That because I looked healthy on the outside, there was nothing wrong with. Because I could talk long and clear sentences I was fine. I called my boyfriend and ten my mom, crying on the phone. I didn't know what to do and quite honestly I didn't have the energy to do anything anymore. I had been at four clinic/doctors by now and they all told me nonsense stuff that didn't make sense to me. So I took the bus and went home. 

Together with my mom, I decided that I'd go to a private clinic doctor one more time. I booked a time for the same night. Thank god, it was a friend's mom who knew I did sports and took me seriously. She ran a number of tests for 400€ worth (!!!). She called me in again to tell me about the results and told me that I had to go to the hospital straight away. I wasn't sure what to believe. She told me I might have a serious condition called "embolism" (veritulppa) and she wanted to rule it out by sending me to the hospital for some more scans and tests just to be sure. 

I called my sister not to be too worried and took a taxi with my boyfriend to the hospital (thankfully not the same one I went to earlier in the day...). They took me in pretty quickly, did a whole bunch of blood tests, took a lung X-ray, a heart ultrasound and lung CT scan that would determine whether or not I had this scary-sounding embolism. By that time it was about 11pm and I was so tired as I had slept one hour in the past 40 hours. At 1:00am in the morning, the doctor came next to my bed and said: "It was indeed a bilateral pulmonary embolism (molemminpuolinen laaja keuhkoveritulppa!!) and it has spread widely to both of your lungs and it is a very serious condition." I was shocked and sad. I cried for a good 15-minutes by myself. I had been to 4 doctors before the 5th one actually took the necessary tests to determine there is something really wrong with me. I had had this getting worse and worse for probably over a month but no one took me seriously "because I was young and healthy and could walk and speak well" as it said on my patient files. 

28.2.2020

I was transferred to the cardiology department where I got my private room. The next morning a few doctors and nurses came in to talk to me about this very scary pulmonary embolism. The head cardiologist did and ultrasound on me and said this was a life-threatening condition that could've ended a lot worse. WHAT?! So I've been having this life-threatening condition and people tell me I have chest aches from sports and I'm too healthy to be taken as a patient to the ER. Again, I was in disbelief of how this could actually happen to me. I was active, didn't smoke, hadn't travelled in any long flights in the near past, I should't have the risk to get an embolism? 

In a disbelief, I messaged the IRONMAN cancellation agency and cancelled my Ironman race from this summer.  I was so upset but it was the best option for now. Health comes first, always and at these uncertain times it was better to do it now that drag it until later. 

I was discharged the same day as I was young and healthy and could take care of my own medication (which meant I had to poke some blood thinner into my stomach twice a day every day LOL). 

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5.3.2020

It's been a week since I got discharged from hospital. My symptoms aren't really getting any easier and I get these really horrible chest pain "attacks" where I can't move my body at all. I also have started to feel very lightheaded and my head just spins whether I lay down or stand up.  I decided to call this medical helpline in Finland where a nurse takes the call asks you some questions and gives you instructions on what to do. Due to the geographical area I live in she told me to go the the hospital I was sent away from last week. I told her I had been treated for an embolism last week at this other hospital and she told me I could go to their ER straight away. So I went. And they took me in as patient right away. I was sent to a new lung X-ray and EKG and had some blood tests again. They took me into the cardiology department yet again.  

6.3.2020

Rounds started at 9am. The doctor came to me, asked me about my symptoms and how I'm feeling and told me: "Your scan from last week shows that you also have lung infractions in both your lungs (keuhkoinfarkteja) which has caused some parts of your lungs have gangrenes (kuolioita) and that means that some parts of your lungs aren't getting any blood and that's why you have these very painful lung pain "attacks" because you don't have blood running in your lungs and the gangrenes and infarctions go all the way from the bottom of your lung to the pleural cavity." 

Oh great. Life is awesome. One day I'm a normal athlete and the next part of my lungs are dying. The doctors don't know till what has caused this; their best solution is that my contraceptive pills (yhdistelmäehkäisypillerit) have made me me vulnerable to blood clots but they can't be sure. Anyway, I can't take contraceptive pills anymore, that ended the day they diagnosed me with this embolism. 

Days were dragging after this and I still felt like I didn't really have all the answers I wanted. I didn't rally understand how this happened to me. I didn't know what I was going to be able to do in a month, in 3 months, in 6 months? I had tons of school work I had to do at the hospital and then I was watching movies and series. I felt so useless and lazy.  

I'm discharged the week after but everything is still very unclear. The doctors are unsure how this will affect me as I want to do sports after all of this is over. They don't have clear instructions on how to start sports and what will be my lung capacity at the end. For now, I'm on an anticoagulant medication until September which makes me more vulnerable to hemorrhages (verenvuodot) as the medication makes my blood thinner. 

If you have read this far, thank you.

This has been an extremely hard journey both mentally and physically. To go from an active lifestyle to a lifestyle where you get tired from standing in the shower and feel like your lungs are burning after walking up the stairs, it is very tough on you. I am lucky enough to have wonderful caring and loving family, boyfriend and friends around me that have supported me during this extremely uncertain time. I am so grateful to be alive and to have gotten very good care from the one private clinic I went last and the hospital I went to twice. Life is unpredictable and during these times you start appreciating life and your own health a lot more than you do when everything works perfectly.

As many of you know, I'm this type of person who tries to hide the pain for as long as I can, I try to tough it out and observe rather than act straight away on symptoms. But even I saw and felt that something was wrong with me. You know your body best. If it isn't working like it should, if you are experiencing symptoms that don't feel normal, if you feel like your condition is deteriorating without a legitimate reason; please please see a doctor and ask for medical attention. It might end up being a life-threatening condition that requires actions or could lead to death for example. And if you don't get the help or answers on the first time, don't give up on yourself; you matter and so does your health!!! 

Take care of yourselves, 

xoxo Irène