Never Say Never

The first thoughts I had when I injured my knee were: Would I be able to play soccer again? Would I be able to compete in track&field again? and Would I ever be able to do the sports I love at the level I was before the injury?
I know I'm certainly not the only one thinking of these kinds of facts after being injured. The one thing I realized after the injury was how much I took doing sports and what I loved for granted, well, now I can say I've learned to appreciate and value what I've still got.

1. What kind of sports can I do after an injury like this?
It's a really hard question because everyone is so different and every injury is one of a kind. Before the injury I competed in both soccer and track&field, I trained almost every day of the week, and didn't like to rest, I hated it. I'd rather go doing anything but sitting on my butt doing nothing. I loved competing and training, and I loved pushing myself. At the age of 14 I was (almost) on the top of the world, but little did I know that I'd fall to the bottom quite soon.
My doctors and physios keep saying to me that soccer is a very risky game and heptathlon is very demanding too. They haven't totally said NO to them, but I have seen enough doctors to understand their face expressions. I know soccer is very demanding and hard on knees, especially injured ones. And I know heptathlon is very challenging too since it includes hurdles, long and high jump, shot put, javelin throw, 200m run and 800m run. So yes, I sure haven't picked sports easy on my legs.
Long ago, I promised to myself that I would fight back from this. I wouldn't let this injury ruin my happiness. I have decided that I'll give it my everything I have in my body; passion, determination, all the energy. And I will try to get back to those sports.

It is hard to say whether you can do some sports after knee reconstructions or not. In my situations both are very unlikely to happen, but never say never to your dreams without having tried to achieve them. Everything is possible if you believe in it. If you can't do one sports, you'll probably fins something similar or something that you enjoy in the same way.


2. Is running possible?
Hard to say. It depends on the age, the severity of the injury and the pain. Before my surgery in November 2015 I wasn't sure whether I'll be able to ever run again. Already in the end of 2014 my doctor in Canada had diagnosed me with a total tear of the ACL (anterior cruciate ligament), PCL (posterior cruciate ligament), MCL (medial collateral ligament) and a partial tear of the POL-tendon. My whole knee was dislocated which meant my tibia and femur bones too were in a strange abnormal angle.

So he told me not to run before the surgery in November. I wasn't gonna let him determine my future because I knew I would become depressed without sports. So I decided I would work my muscles back to have good muscles around the knee to give it some support my broken ligaments couldn't offer anymore.
I pushed myself to get strong muscles and I did. In March I slowly started jogging again to see how it feels. It wasn't exactly mind-blowing but it was a start. By the end of June I had slowly increased my running distances to about 20-25km. Running felt good again, I always taped my knee before each run to give it an additional support and it worked. When I came back to Finland I knew I had a couple more months to go before my actual 5th knee surgery. So I used that time increasing my running distances more. I took part to a half-marathon in September and during October and November I consecutively ran 46km - 51km - 57km runs.
So yes, running is possible in some cases. I know I still have a long way to go to get to those distances again, but this week I reached one milestone because I took my first steps JOGGING since my surgery. It feels great to be on the go again.

3. What do I do when it hurts?
There's no need to say that pain is pretty obvious after a knee reconstruction done. Some days it feels better, some days I feel like I can't get out of bed. It is still my choice to get out of that bed no matter what. Normally after a workout the knee is a little sore, of course. I have become pretty pain tolerant and I can manage with pain to a very high level. I don't often show when it hurts so it is very hard to say when it hurts and when it doesn't. Despite that, the one thing I've learned is that when there's pain it is sometimes good to tell someone about it. The one I talk about pain is normally my physio. First because he understands and second, because I feel comfortable with him. But I only talk to him about physical pain. With mental pain I try to manage by myself.
Having said that I still think it is better to let someone know about the pain, whether it is a relative, a family member or a doctor/physio. If it's a professional their job is to help you. If it's a loved one, it's someone who will support you and help you on bad days.

4. My future plans?

I am currently 4 months post-op and I'm feeling good. Of course some days are harder than the others and I still think of why this happened to me on bad days. But the past is the past and it can't be changed. The future is ahead of me and I can still decide what I want to do. So I try to look to the future but still live one day at the time and enjoy the moment. I'm allowed to bike and swim now, and I will slowly start jogging. I see my physio twice or three times a month and he helps me with my muscle strenghtening and mobility of the knee. My goal is to get back to running in the summer and achieve my goal of playing soccer and competing in track&field one day, eventually. Those aren't yet, but I'm working my way towards them.


I have learned that in order to continue my life after the injury I have to forgive myself. I have to forgive myself for having been injured because I forgave the players who injured me right away. Forgiving myself has been a long process and I'm still working with it. I have let go of the past and try not to think of why this happened. I'd rather think that everything here happens for a reason and this was a step my life took and it has made me a better and a stronger person. Letting go of the past hasn't meant I've forgotten what happened the days I injured myself. They will sta with me for the rest of my life and they are a part of me now.
Injury taught me how to face challenges. Before it I didn't face them, I only ignored them. But moving forward requires facing challenges. Never say never, because as long as you have faith in what you are doing and you believe in yourself and in your dreams anything is possible.

tips for knee injury management

Having thought of writing a new post for two months I finally found the time to do so. I've been busy with school, some national exams coming up, exam weeks, knee rehabilitation and coaching.

This time I figured I could write down some tips I've learned (or not quite yet learned, but noticed) during my 3 years of recovery from multiple knee surgeries and injuries. I "celebrated" my knee's 3-year anniversary January 20th and it evokes lots of emotions when I go back to that day in 2013.

1. DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
From what I've learned these past years, do not compare you injury to other people's injuries. Everyone is different and every injury is different, every rehabilitation is that being said, different. I know this is hard because I find myself comparing my knee injury to other's but it makes me frustrated, angry and sometimes sad, more than anything else. So focus on your own injury and its rehab process.


2. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH OTHER INJURED
I learned this point last year during my exchange year in Canada. When I injured my knee - again - in November 2014, I became really depressed. Nothing made me laugh anymore and it was difficult for me to find something that I enjoyed doing. I ate like crap sometimes and that made me feel even worse. Then I found this wonderful, amazing support site through which I've made some really good friends with whom I can share experiences and exchange thoughts. It really is like mental medicine and sometimes when I come up with questions there normally is someone who has experienced similar things. Again, remember not to compared your injuries, but I must say it really does help, A LOT!!

3. FIND A PHYSIO YOU LIKE TO WORK WITH
This has been a very major part of my rehabilitation process. And I can't stop saying it, but start working with a physio you can trust, with who you feel comfortable with and with who you like to work with. There's really no point in working with someone you don't like or who doesn't share similar opinions or views than you do. I have been very privileged to get to work with two amazing physios, one here in Finland that I've known for three years now and one in Canada that took care of me and my knee when I was feeling down and nothing seemed to work!! It has been great and since I feel comfotable with both of them, I've been able to give my 100% every time they've given me an exercise or a rehabilitation program to follow at the gym.

4. DON'T KEEP ALL TO YOURSELF
I am a person who likes to keep their own thoughts and feelings for themselves as long as possible, but even I have noticed that sometimes the mental part of this injury becomes really unbearable and you have to just let it out. I am having difficulties finding people I could talk about my feelings because I'm not the type of person who likes to share their personal feelings especially when they show your vulnerability. BUT, it is of a huge importance to let your own feelings about the whole situation, the rehab process, the roughness of it, out. Because if you keep it to yourself too long, at some point a mental breakdown is possible. I was close to it last year but luckily I got to meet my physio and all the wonderful people in the support group and in Canada.

5. DON'T LET OTHERS DEFINE YOU
You are the one that got injured, you are the one who's suffering from it, you are the one living with your knee. Don't let anyone else define who you are or how good you are based on your knee injury - that's unfair and just rude. You set the limits and you set your goals. We work hard and want to succeed in rehab because we want to get back to the life we had before. In some cases, it might not be possible and we might need to change some things, but we never ever have to deal with people who judge us because we've suffered a knee injury. We also don't have to dealt with getting left out of something because we've had a rough rehabilitation. I've run into people who criticize me and who tell me I'm not good enough to get back to sports because I'll never be the same I was before. Well, it's true I will never be that same person I used to be but let me tell you one thing. I've set myself a goal to get back to sports and what I love doing. If I set myself a goal, I will achieve it and no one will stop me from doing it.

6. ALLOW YOURSELF TO CRY
To begin with, I hate crying. To me crying is like a weakness, showing your fragility and impotency.  I almost never cry really and I hate when someones sees me crying. Because I always think I can handle it myself. But deep inside I know I can't fix it all by myself. So I have learned how to cry. I'm not saying I'm crying for every little setback but sometimes when the pain is bad and the world seems to be collapsing for some reason I allow myself to let the tears flow down my cheeks. I hae begun to think that mayber all, maybe it's a sign of strength, a sign that shows that you care and you want to get better!

7. ENJOY LIFE
Even though knee injuries suck, I have realized we can't just stop ourselves from laughing, smiling, doing things we like, seeing friends and travelling because of a silly knee injury. True, it puts down some limits I'd like to see gone, but when the injury has already happened that's just not possible. There's no going back to the past, but we can look in the future and keep living life as well as we can, enjoying things we still can enjoye and adapt to new kind of situatuons.

8. VALUE WHAT YOU'VE STILL GOT
Knee injury, by necessity, means giving up on certain things. But it doesn't mean we have to give up all we have and all we've done before. After an injury like this, you will certainly have to change some of your habits and think twice before doing something you could do before. But we must remember that life is valuable, and everything we still have is valuable. Giving up on certain things might mean gaining some new things you never would've imagined yourself doing before the injury. So many people in the world suffer from terrible diseases, poverty and undernourishment that we have to remember to consider ouselves lucky to be alive and healthy apart from the knee. We only have one life to live and if we spend it worrying, whining and nagging we can't be happy. At least that's what I think.

9. SMILING AND LAUGHING ARE THE BEST MEDICINE 
On the bad days when the pain is bad it is pretty damn hard to try smiling but trust me, being with friends or family and laugh is really a good medicine, especially mentally. This injury is so much more than only the physical part - there's also the mental suffering that sometimes is even worse than the phsyical one. So whenever and wherever you can, try to take a poisitive outlook to life and smile at it. Despite the knee injury and the bad days, there are always brighter days ahead of us in the future and even the one with a bad luck will find something to laugh about eventually.

10. DON'T LOSE FAITH
Being in rehab, it is natural that sometimes it feels like everything seems to go the opposite of what you had hoped. There are days where the knee is so sore that you can't do what your physio asks you. Other days you'll rock it at the gym and you feel great. But those tough days are hard on the mind, they make you feel weak and unsuccessful, useless and pathetic. It is during those times that we have to remember everything happens from a reason and it is always possible to come back from it. And normally those who get up after an injury are much stronger than they were before because the process has taught them so much. Never lose faith and always keep dreaming, because everything is possible when you really work hard for it.